Operation Mile High

It was a short flight from Houston to Dallas. It was in one of those flying tubes that would start descent before even the take off is complete.  There was no way to sleep in this flight and so I did not mind sitting next to the young mother with her three month old baby. I was in that blissful state where one has not slept yet but is not fully awake either, when the commotion started.

I was in the rear of the plane and the hostess picked up the phone and called the other two in the front. One of them hurried back with a big plastic bag. Out of the bag came masks and gloves. The masks were not simple piece of cloth around your mouth kind. These were heavy duty. They covered the nose and mouth and even had a transparent sheet to protect the eyes. The gloves covered almost till the elbows.

It looked like there was a chemical attack and the hostesses were taking care of themselves first so that they can move around to help the passengers. I was trying to hold my breath till I was given a mask and wondering if that mask is good enough to ward off whatever chemical has been released. But instead of more masks and gloves, the hostesses took out a bottle and sprayed what looked like salt on the carpet.

Then came a small plastic tray and scoop, the kind people carry when they walk their dog. The salt that was sprayed was carefully removed on to the tray and the tray scoop masks and gloves were put into a plastic bag and sealed. The hostesses then took out a vial of sanitizer and cleaned their hands thoroughly. As a final flourish a darker substance, that smelled like coffee was sprayed lightly on the carpet.

There was no chemical attack. All that happened was that the baby had thrown up a little bit of milk and it was cleaned. A little bit of coffee powder was sprayed to mask the smell. I was just amazed by the drama with which the entire cleaning was done. All it required was a couple of paper napkins. Just imagining what would be used in case of a real chemical attack.

எனக்கு விளம்பரம்ன்னா ரொம்பப் பிடிக்கும்!

வழக்கமாய் சென்னை வந்தால் வாக்கிங் போகும் பெசண்ட் நகர் பீச்தான். இந்த இரண்டு நாட்களாய்த்தான் பாடாய் படுத்துகிறது. எதோ காலச்சக்கரத்தில் ஏறிவிட்டாற்போல் ஒரு பிரமை. எல்லாம் பாழாப் போன விளம்பர நோட்டீஸ் ஒண்ணை நடக்கறவங்க கிட்ட விநியோகம் பண்ண வரும் வில்லனால் வந்தது.

அப்பொழுது எனக்கு வயது சுமார் பத்து இருக்கும். நாங்கள் வசித்தது திருநெல்வேலியில். சரியாகச் சொல்ல வேண்டுமானால் திருநேலியில். இப்பொழுது எல்லாம் ஊரே, தாமிரபரணியில் மணற்கொள்ளை, நெல்லையப்பர் கோயில், இருட்டுக்கடை அல்வா, போத்தீஸ், ஆரெம்கேவி என்ற ஒரு சின்ன  வட்டத்திற்குள் சிக்கிவிட்ட மாதிரி இருக்கு. நான் வளர்ந்த ஊரே வேற. நினைத்த பொழுதெல்லாம் தாமிரபரணி ஆத்துக் குளியல்கள், பள்ளியூட நேரத்தில் இங்க என்னல சுத்திக்கிட்டு கெடக்க என அன்பாய் ஏசும் அண்ணாச்சிமார்கள், மதிதா மேல்நிலைப் பள்ளியின் சார்வாள்கள் என்று பேச ஆரம்பித்தால் முடிவில்லாமல் நீண்டு விடும். இதை எல்லாம் ஒரு பக்கமாய் போட்டுவிட்டு இந்த ரெண்டு நாளாய்க் குடையும் விஷயத்திற்கு வரலாம். 

திருநெல்வேலியில் நாங்கள் இருந்தது ஜங்க்‌ஷனில். உலகத்திலேயே ரயில்வே ஸ்டேஷனைத் தவிர்த்து ஒரு குடியிருப்புப் பகுதி ஜங்க்‌ஷன் எனப் பெயர் பெற்றது இங்கு மட்டும்தான் இருக்கும். பத்து நிமிடம் சைக்கிளை மிதித்தால் வரும் இடம் டவுண். இந்த மாதிரி வித்தியாசமான பெயர் எல்லாம் எப்படி வந்தது ஏன் வந்ததுன்னு கேட்கக்கூடாது. அப்படித்தான். 

ஊரில் எங்க திரும்பினாலும் ஒரு தியேட்டர் கண்ணில் படும். ராயல், பாப்புலர், செண்ட்ரல், ரத்னா, பார்வதி, விநோதமாய் பெயரிடப்பட்ட பாலஸ் டி வேல்ஸ் என அடுக்கிக் கொண்டே போகலாம். இந்தத் தியேட்டர்களும் அதில் வரும் படங்களும் அவற்றைப் பார்க்க நான் பட்ட கஷ்டங்களும் கூட இந்தப் பதிவுக்குத் தேவை இல்லாதவை. விட்டுவிடலாம்.

பெரும்பாலும் வெள்ளிக்கிழமை படம் மாறும். இன்றைக்கு இருப்பது போல ப்ளெக்ஸ்போர்ட், கட்டவுட், இணையத்தில் முன்பதிவு எல்லாம் இல்லாத காலம். புதுப்படம் வந்தா ஒரு ரெட்டை  மாட்டு வண்டியில் ரண்டக்க ரண்டக்கன்னு மேளம் கொட்டிக்கிட்டு வருவாங்க. வண்டிக்கு ரெண்டு பக்கமும் பெரிய போஸ்டர் ஒட்டி இருக்கும். அவங்க அள்ளி வீசும் கோவிந்தா மஞ்சள், அடிக்கும் ரோஸ் கலர் நோட்டீஸ்களைப் பிடிக்க வண்டிக்குப் பின்னாடி தெருவில் இருக்கும் பசங்க பூரா ஓடுவாங்க.

எங்க தெருவில் நாந்தான் இருக்கிறதுலயே சின்னப்பையன். அதனால எனக்கு அந்த நோட்டீஸ் கிடைக்கவே கிடைக்காது. மத்த பசங்க எல்லாம் என்னைத் தள்ளிவிட்டு எல்லா நோட்டீஸையும் வாங்கிடுவாங்க. என்னிக்காவது அப்பா கையில் கிடைத்த நோட்டீஸை வெச்சு இருந்தாத்தான் உண்டு.  மத்த பசங்க நோட்டீஸை வாங்குவாங்களே தவிர அதை சுக்குநூறாக் கிழிச்சு ரோட்டில் போட்டுட்டுப் போயிடுவாங்க. எனக்கு அந்த நோட்டீஸ் பின்னால அந்த போஸ்டரில் இருக்கிற மாதிரி படம் வரையப் பிடிக்கும். எம்ஜியார் பட நோட்டீஸ்களில் இருக்கும் ஆக்‌ஷன் போஸ்ட் படங்களைக் கிழித்து ரேழியில் இருக்கும் பீரோவில் ஒட்டி அடி வாங்குவேன்.  அதுக்காகவே ஒண்ணே ஒண்ணு கிடைக்காதான்னு அலைவேன். எனக்கு மட்டும் நோட்டீஸ் தராமல் வண்டியில் போகும் ஆட்களை திட்டித் தீர்ப்பேன். 

இத்தனை வருடங்களுக்குப் பின் அந்த மாதிரி கிடைக்காதா என்று ஏங்க வைத்துவிட்டான் இந்த வில்லன். எல்லாம் இரண்டு நாட்களாகத்தான்.

நான் போகும் அதிகாலை வேளையில் வயதானவர்கள் கூட்டம்தான். என்னமோ சிம்லா ரேஞ்சில் பனிப்பொழிவதாக நினைத்துக் கொண்டு ஸ்வெட்டர், குல்லா, கழுத்தில் மப்ளர் என்று சர்வாலங்காரத்துடன் அதே 'வேகத்தில்' உடன் நடக்கும் நண்பர்களோடு பேரன் பேத்திகள் ஸ்கைப்பில் சொன்ன பிரதாபங்களை அசை போட்டுக் கொண்டு ஒரு கூட்டமே நடக்கும். 

இவர்கள் எல்லாருக்கும் நோட்டீஸைத் திணிப்பவன் நான் வரும் பொழுது மட்டும் கையை இழுத்துக்கொண்டு எங்கேயோ பார்ப்பது போல விலகிப்போய்விடுவான். ஒரு நாளைக்கு ஐந்தாறு சுற்றுகள் நடப்பேன், ஒவ்வொரு முறையும் எனக்கு மட்டும் நோட்டீஸ் கிடைக்காது. இன்று அவனாகத் தராவிட்டாலும் கேட்டு வாங்கி விட வேண்டியதுதான் என்ற முடிவோடு பீச்சுக்கு வந்தேன். 

எதிர்பார்த்ததைப் போலவே அவன் நின்று கொண்டிருந்தான். நான் நெருங்கியதும் தூரப் பார்வை பார்த்து நகர்ந்தான். "அது என்னப்பா நோட்டீஸ், ஒண்ணு குடு பார்ப்போம்" என்று நான் கையை நீட்ட, வேறு வழியில்லாமல் ஒன்று தந்தான். கூடவே "உனக்கு எதுக்கு சார் இது" என்ற இலவச அட்வைஸ். 

இரண்டாய் மடித்திருந்த நோட்டீஸைத் திறந்து பார்த்தால் சீனியர் சிட்டிசனுக்கான மெடிக்ளெயிம் முகவரின் விளம்பரம்.

விடிந்தும் விடியாத நேரத்தில் தூக்கம் கெட்டு, தலைமுடி எல்லாம் கொட்டி வழுக்கையாய் இருந்தாலும் இளமையாக இருக்கிறேன் என நோட்டீஸ் தராமல் போனவனைத் திட்டவே தோன்றவில்லை. 

 

PS: ரொம்பவே சுமாரக இருந்த என் எழுத்தை சூப்பராக்கிய தம்பி ராஜேஷ் கர்காவிற்கு (இலவசகொத்தனார்) மனமார்ந்த நன்றி...

Let the games begin....

Reality shows that involve singing and dancing are so passé. There is a new game in town. The aim of the game is simple - complete the course in a given time and you get a clean chit. If not you will end up paying money. But remember, one you start you have to go through the game fully, there is no quitting halfway. Sounds risky? Yet, thousands play the game everyday. 

The course is approximately a kilometer and a half in length. Your time starts when you get your timesheet from the time keeper. You drive through a curved slope for around 300 meters before you enter the scene of action. Your way is paved with various hazards - other players would have parked their vehicles in your way, there will be others who would be slithering slowly, there would be a horde of people standing on, walking by or crossing your road. You would have other things left at strategic places on the road.

You would need to maneuver your vehicle through and either pick up or drop characters and boxes on your way out.  If you are dropping off, you need to find a location where you can park your car and help your characters out. If you are picking them up, you still need to park and scan the arena for them. If you happen to be stuck with characters with limited mobility, tough luck, you are not going to complete the game on time.

You would also be expected to drop off or pick up boxes. If you have boxes that you have to unload, you would need to scan the area for a trolley.  They will not be readily available. You should have sharp eyes to locate them and the ability to grab it quickly and beat the other players from snatching it away. A good idea here would be to park your car where possible and follow another player who might have the assignment to load boxes, in which case he would leave a trolley empty. 

When you complete the drop or the pick up, you would then need to drive around the other participants and their cars and other hazards towards the exit. You would encounter other challenges such as the super sized speed breakers. Go too slow over them and you may be hit from behind by others, go too fast and you may end up damaging your vehicle. Either ways you are cooked. You would need special skills to navigate these. 

Finally, you will see three exit points each with its own time keeper. You need to choose the lane that would bring you the fastest to the exit point. But you would never make the right choice. Thank Mr.Murphy for that. When you reach the exit point, you hand off your time sheet to the time keeper and wait with baited breath. If you are lucky, you would have made it in time and get to go scot free. But the probability of you being the loser is high and you end up shelling out money based on how delayed you were. 

Sounds like an interesting challenge, right?! If you are the gaming kind, volunteer to drop off or pick people from Chennai Airport and have all this fun!

PS : Beware of falling ceiling panels. 

I wonder why my agony uncle column had no takers.

Dear Hari, 

I hope you can help me here. I am 32 and my husband is 34. We have been married for 12 years. He was recently laid off from work and I work double shifts to make the ends meet. Yesterday I got a lucky break and came home early only to find my husband in the bedroom with a neighborhood lady, making passionate love to her. I clicked a few pictures using my cellphone (attached) as evidence. 

When I confronted him, he said he was depressed and that was the reason he strayed. He promised that he would be faithful and have not contacts with that lady. What should I do? Can you please help?

Sincerely

Ms  G.K., Mumbai

..............

Dear Ms. G.K.

It was shocking to see the pictures you had emailed. I cannot understand why would you use a cell phone in such a low light condition especially with moving subjects. You really need to invest in at least a starter level DSLR. 

There are three things that you should keep in mind - Aperture, time and ISO settings. Whether it is a film camera or digital camera, there is a limit on how high the ISO settings can go. The higher the ISO, more the noise would be. I would recommend 1600 ISO. 

The other investment I would make is in a tripod. If you have the luxury of a tripod, you can set up a reasonable aperture and a longer exposure time. But a longer exposure would not work with moving objects such as yours. Hence you would need to make the aperture as wide as possible. Remember, the smaller the f/stop number, the wider the aperture. 

The one other variable is light. If you can increase the amount of light it would be great. See if you can equip your bedroom with motion sensor linked lights.

You can also experiment with lens that go super fast in auto focussing. All the modern lenses are also equipped with image stabilizer, which go a long way in helping shoot in the given circumstance. Do let me know if you need any further clarifications.

Good luck with your camera...

Regards

Hari

PS: The composition in your photgraphs are good. You have an artistic eye.

Be Someone's greatest gift

I need a relationship in which I don't have to keep explaining myself. Nothing is more tiring than having to constantly explain yourself. Emotional tiredness drains you far more than physical tiredness. So, the search is for that one relationship in which I can enjoy the freedom of trust, where I don't have to explain everything about me.

I need a relationship in which I won't be held against myself. I have my strengths. I have my shortcomings. The search is for that one relationship in which my lesser side will not be provoked and instigated constantly. I want that one relationship in which my positives will always be brought to the surface.

I need a relationship in which my today is not viewed with the mistakes I made yesterday. Being human..... I'm bound to err every now and then. I want someone who won't maintain a database of my mistakes. The search is for that relationship where yesterday's fight doesn't halt today's communication... where yesterday was over yesterday.

I need a relationship in which it isn't me who has to take the initiative all the time. I need a relationship where I can be transparent. I need a relationship in which I don't have to alter my likes and dislikes to gain and retain the relationship. I need a relationship in which my self-image is not scratched. I need a relationship in which I'm not asked to be anyone else. I need a relationship in which i feel completely myself... even more than when I am with my own self.

I need that one relationship in which I feel as though I am once again in my mother's womb... a relationship in which my heart always feels... just born,

Oh my dear readers, if you already have one such relationship... please go down on your knees in gratitude, for there cannot be a greater gift from life. Such a relationship is life's greatest gift.

If you don't have one, despair not. Didn't he say from the mountain top - "Do unto others what you want others do unto you?" Can you be that one to someone else? Gift ourselves into someone's life. Love someone so completely that you make yourself worthy of being someone's greatest gift.

People feel your love not by what you are with them, but by what they can be with you. In the presence and fragrance of love, let your beloved blossom.

From the book "Unposted Letter" by The voice Ra - Published by Frozen Thoughts.
www.frozenthoughts.com - www.infinitheism.com

In the wonder land of cost cutting

The airline industry, globally has been going through bad times since quite a number of years, especially so in India. Take the majors Air India, Jet Airways and King Fisher. All of them have huge mounting losses and have been struggling to keep afloat. Today's newspaper (Mail Today, Delhi edition dated Dec 22, 2011) says that the accumulated losses of Air India is Rs 43,777 crores and the government owes the airline Rs 435 crores towards the foreign visits made by the ministers. The employees of Air India have not been getting their salaries regularly. Shame on you, babhus....

Be it the airline or any other industries, at times like this, they resort to innovative ways of doing cost cutting. At times, it sounds penny wise and pound foolish or it can be paisa wise and euro foolish!!!

At my earlier organization, there were such instances. They went to the level of stopping the newspaper that was kept at the reception table which costed less than 50 paisa those days. Naturally, many of the employees were upset and they showed their protest in innovative ways!! There was a writing on the wall of one of the toilets saying "Due to the present cost cutting initiatives, the toilet papers must be used both the sides"!! Someone scribbled below, "Why use toilet papers? Let us use the papers from the in-house magazine"!! And someone added, "Please avoid glossy papers for the magazine if it's to be used for this purpose"!!!

One of the big airlines in India, of late, have started their share of cost cutting measures. Salary being one of the big ticket items on the expenses, their attention is turned towards it. Senior managers found some of their perquisites cut till further notice. Some section of the staff are given 2-3 days compulsory off from their work and a few days of salary cut every month. So far, it makes sense.

On the air, in a non-budget flight, they have stopped giving chocolates, toothpicks, salt and pepper, the famous "mouth freshener mint". It leaves wonder how much money can be saved by stopping toothpicks and such items. The menu cards given at business class have been stopped, instead you get a "Udupi hotel" experience. The hostess comes to you and rattles out the menu of the day and takes your order. One can't but imagine, a cap on the head, a pencil tugged behind the ear - a typical waiter in an Indian udupi restaurant!! The brewed coffee is replace with the standard nescafe instant coffee powder sachets...

Here are some more "innovative" ways to cut costs:

- All obese people may be made to pay extra in line with the charges collected for excess baggages!
- The welcome smile by the hostess will henceforth be charged!
- The usage of toilets may be charged, in proportion with the usage. The first 250 ml is free and anything over and above may be charged!! Toilet papers shall be made available at a cost. Coin operated flush is one more option!!!
- The bus service used between the aircraft and the terminal may be charged. Standees get concessional fares.
- Instead of the step ladders, ropes may be provided. All passengers must use the rope to get into the aircraft and step ladder usage shall be charged.
- There will no more be loaders and all the passengers should on their own, screen the bags, check them in and load them into the aircrafts. If you need help, you pay.
- The food (if at all provided) will be served on banana leaves - one leaf for every three passengers. Bring your own plates, if you don't like this!!!
- Windows and aisle seats are charged extra.
- You may be offered a young pretty girl seated next to you. Of course, on payment of extra money. On a similar note, if you do not want a fat one next to you - you pay!!
- Overhead compartment spaces may be given on rent.

On a serious note, the government should take this matter with a high priority. The surcharge and tax on the aviation turbine fuel - ATF (which is one single major expense for the airlines) is extremely high and a reduction on these shall certainly help the industry and help them to keep the airline business alive!!

How the government is going to get Air India out of its Rs 43,777 crores loss, is a "million" dollar quetstion!! :)

Chennai Music Festival - Cribs

I had been to Chennai for this year's music festival from the 1st of December till the 13th of December. I came back with a mixed feeling of joy and sad. Joy because so many people get platforms to display their artistic talents, sad because of our inability to make it into a world class event...

Quality of the programs:
There is no yard stick to determine if a particular artist has attain a certain proficiency level to perform in a concert. The selection of the artists, I guess, goes by the word of mouth, the influence you have with the sabha organizers, the money power and so on. The main performer does not get an opportunity to select his accompaniments. This results in a complete mismatch of talents thereby bringing down the entire quality of the performance. It would be ideal (can it be practical?) to have some standards set for the performer and all artists should be made to clear that level. Something on the line of SEI or ISO certifications done on the industries.

Respect for the artists (especially the juniors):
There is hardly any attendees for almost all the junior artists at all sabhas. This is very true for the odd hour concerts (10 AM, 2PM...) In some cases, the number of people on the stage are more than the number on the audience!! If a popular artists happen to perform at the next slot, then there is an inflow of people towards the end of the program of the junior artist, disturbing the artists. The payments given to the artists is nothing short of an insult. I have seen some of them getting as low as two hundred rupees which may not even cover the transport expenses!!

Sabha infrastructure:
In most of the sabhas the sound system is in a pathetic state and is handled by a set of people who have no formal training or a good experience or an ear for sound. Either it is too loud or the balance is not proper etc. After the first few minutes, the sound technician (if you may call him that) vanishes and the performer and the audience have to put up with whatever is available. The air condition system seem to function with no temperature control. It is freezing cold in most of the sabhas. There is no provision to get a glass of water even when you attend the morning concerts. The canteen is not opened nor there is a water dispenser anywhere. The status of the toilets are in a sad state in most of the sabhas. Most of the organizers can be polite and nice to the visitors than behaving in an arrogant and autocratic manner.

Chennai infrastructure:
Chennai faces the same infrastructure issues as any other Indian states. But one can not escape the harsh treatment of the auto rickshaw guys especially when its late night (read after 8pm) or when you are with an elderly person or when you have to go to some far away places. Its sheer robbery. The public bus service is a good state during day time. But that too trickles down to a very few at night. The noise level in general is extremely high in chennai. Every transport vehicle (public buses, private buses, water tankers, trucks etc.) is fitted with an air-horn which is used indiscreetly. There is absolutely no respect for hospitals, schools, temples... To add to this is the noise created by the loud speaker menace at the road-side religious setups, at functions like marriages, ear-piercing ceremony etc... The condition of the sidewalks are not at all conducive to those who prefer to walk. After the change of government, it is seen that mountains are garbage are seen at all places. One wonders how the city is surviving without the attack of any major plagues.

So much for the cribbing.

I only wish and pray that the Tamil nadu government realizes the potential of this December music season and gives enough attention and focus to improve the facilities available and make the city more visitor friendly.

This certainly deserves the rank of any other major festivals across the globe. There are ample opportunities for the artists at all levels. They get an excellent exposure to perform and make their talents known to the world. There are varieties for the audience - music, lecture demonstrations, dances of all forms, theater, interaction with the artists, talks etc.

No doubt there are improvements every year...but we have a long way to go if this has to be made at par with other global events.